we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
