In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
