I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
