Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
