I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
