Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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