They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
