Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
