Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
