i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it's like iHOP with fire
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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