you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
