is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
