I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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