Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
