Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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