Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
