The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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