Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
