um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it's like heaven, but drunker
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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