i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
