Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
