Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
