I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
