On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
