I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
