At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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