I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
