I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
