I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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