So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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