I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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