So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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