I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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