And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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