The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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