So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
