I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
