Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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