I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
