you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
