Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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