Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
