so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
