So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
