i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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