This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
