I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
