Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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