just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
