That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
