I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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