Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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