i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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